LOCKED UP

I am having a hip replacement later this year, partly, no doubt, due to walking/riding camels around 80,000kms in 34 years in soft sand and elastic sided boots, with little support. For the past six months or so, on occasions, my left hip will ‘lock up’ which means I can’t stand up. I have found ways to unlock it. Most of these situations only last several minutes, but I have learnt to avoid certain sitting situations – like low chairs. It is a bit hard to locate a high dunny seat, but have developed a method for dealing with this once-a-day situation.

Two situations have occurred in the past month or so which may interest, amuse or ‘horrify’ certain readers. The first was at the old Transcontinental Hotel in Quorn. Claire and I were visiting a mate, Nick Bailey, on his semi-desert bush property, north of Quorn. (On that, he had recently broken a leg while riding a motor bike, shooting goats. The heavy bike had stalled on loose rocks, fallen over and pinned him between the bike and the rocks. He managed to get out from under his bike; tried his mobile-but no reception. So he crawled 30mts to the top of the hill where he got reception. Rang his son and was eventually picked up.) He is a retired law enforcement officer with National Parks when they were a far more respected Department than they are now.  (This comment excludes many specialists in the Department and many Rangers in the field, trying to do their best under difficult circumstances).  Nick was well used to ‘difficult’ situations. He is a ‘Hard man’.

Anyway, that Saturday night, we were staying in the Transcontinental, and having a meal in the dining room. I was sitting on a low chair, but had my left leg stretched out under the table. After our meal, I stood up to leave, but was ‘locked up’ … for 40 minutes. I couldn’t help noticing other diners in my periphial vision, observing my dilemma. So I finally gave a loud ‘hoy’ which quietened most of the conversation. I said I wasn’t the floor show, explained my situation and normality resumed in the room, with me still standing up in a bent position­ like a dung hill in the desert. After the dining room had emptied, the left leg finally unlocked and we retired to our room.

To the second “lockup” situation – We were dining on a recent wet Saturday night, with two friends Frans Lemms and his wife, Angela. Both born in Holland but more “Aussie” than ¾ of the population.  Frans is an unusual type of Real Estate Agent, but very successful in his field: unusual in that he rarely wears a suit and rides a powerful motor bike. He had recently sold most of my free-holded  Flinders Ranges blocks. The venue was the Old Bush Inn at Willunga, known to the locals as the “top pub”. We were siting at a small, round table with very low chairs. Recently I had had very few lock-ups so wasn’t that bothered. However, I couldn’t extend my left leg under the table. We were ready to leave at 9.30, after all the other diners had vacated the place and the waitresses knocked off.  I went to stand up but Oh No !, another lockup. Long story short this one took an hour! A frustrated Publican, (Gavin) who obviously wanted to go home kept re-appearing to check on progress. After some discussion we asked him to bring in a sack-truck. Frans and the girls helped load me in a 45 degree situation on the sack truck, with some pain, I might add. Frans then wheeled me across the dining room to a high table, normally used by people standing up drinking their beers. I was unloaded against the table but no relief after 20 minutes or so. So Gavin asked if we could fix the bill, which Frans did , without the 10% loading (This is Australia, not the USA!)  Claire drove my 4-wheel-drive to the front door, I was reloaded on the sack truck, down the steps to the vehicle, hoisted myself onto the high driver’s seat, swung my left leg around, feeling my hip unlock! Whooptido! I drove home through the rain and the fog, with Frans and Angela following, to make sure I could  I could get out of the vehicle. But all was well. Can’t wait for that HIP OPERATION!